oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Two words: blizzard sex
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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