i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
