i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
