I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
