God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
