people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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