I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
