508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
