Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
