Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
