It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
