1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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