If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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