some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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