Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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