The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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