I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
