I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Your dad touched me again.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
