walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
