what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
