hotel room ftw
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
