toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
