u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
