I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
