He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
