My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
