yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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