I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize