i think my mom watched the whole time
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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