but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
