He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
