Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
