i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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