weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
