I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
