Me too!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize