shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
