I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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