Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wish there were birth control emojis
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
