well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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