I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
