he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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