Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
