This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
