Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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