he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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