using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize