Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
