So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize