two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
