apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
