also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
