he puts the penis in happiness.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
