I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
