instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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