I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
