Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
