Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
