you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
