There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
