you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Your penis caused this!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
