Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize