I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
