i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
