So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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